Toys Toys Toys

......after my "adventures" with Copper, L.D. and IB, I decided that I need to step back and think about how I'm gonna make things better when I meet men. In the mean time a girl has needs sometimes that need needs taken care of. Now when I was married I had several toys but they were mostly used with the ex, so when I left him I left them there too. The ex even ask me do you want your toys?? Nope I said you keep them and fuck yourself with them. Now I can't image why he would keep them but he still has them......so does he stroke them in his fantasy land or use them on his girlfriend?? All I can think is EEWWWWW yuck!! anyway...........I needed and wanted some new toys to make my own new memories with!!! LOL!!! Internet shopping I went....oh my all the toys for so many fun things to do......alone, with a friend (man friend thank you). Dildo, dongs, vibrators, glass dildos, butt plugs, rabbits and lubes, restraints. You name it, it was there. First thing I looked for was a Rabbit, I had heard how great they were and I wanted one. Found myself a nice, middle of the road Rabbit (next time I'm going to upgrade to a Rabbit with more bells and whistles) Just a Rabbit wasn't enough, found some lube, got a vibrator, and a dildo. As I browsed the website for a dildo I found the "catapillar".......I thought that looks like a good dildo so with my order complete I eagerly awaited my delivery. I have a special drawer in my bedroom for my toys and stuff, so when the order finally arrived I excitedly took the box into my bedroom to open and put away my special new treasures!!!! With the box on my bed I opened it, the first thing I see on top is the catapillar........between laughing so hard I almost peed my pants, and saying "OMG" over and over and over, I took the catapillar out of the box. The catapillar should have been called the anaconda because it was freakin huge!!!!! Felt like it weighted about 5 pounds and is as long as my foot but OMG the girth!!!! I couldn't even get my hand all the way around it. Now I don't have small hands so for me not to get my hand around it, it is big, as a matter of fact when I tried to get my hand around it there were still about 3 inches to go........all I could think was that thing aint gonna fit. It will never fit, not even if a girl launched herself onto it would it fit, fall on it, sit on it, nothing was gonna make it fit.......there is not enough lube in the world to make that "catapillar" fit. Now when I seen catapillar I thought average size, cute.....should be just right. Lesson learned when ordering dildos off the internet get out a ruler, tape measure, something to see how big something is gonna be. To be honest I never even looked at the dimension for the catapillar, just went by the name, the picture and assumed it would ok. Really didn't even think about it. So even ordering dildos my luck is pretty iffy, if you know what I mean.
I love the Rabbit......"here bunny, bunny, bunny!!!!!" Oh and by the way the catapillar doesn't fit, don't even keep it in my special toy drawer.....afraid it will break the bottom out of the drawer!!! LOL!!!!!








Oh and by the way it doesn't fit

L.D. .......yeah it means something

Where to start........oh yes.....L.D. was really nice and we seemed to have alot in common so he came home with me. I honestly thought we could be friends and a little more......we get to my place and start the ritual....the kissing and the touching. Men want to see and feel the girls, so I'm usually the one with my shirt off first, things were moving along and interesting. Finally L.D. loses his pant and I get to see the man parts....nothing to get excited about just average and that's ok. But from all the touchy feely stuff he didn't have a hard-on (here again I should take a clue) He sits back on the couch and I get on my knees between his legs and play the trumpet. Now I'm not like a professional BJ giver but I do ok (I make the things happen that are supposed to happen). Now with L.D. I tried every trick I could think of and this man never got a
hard-on........hence the name L.D.----Limp Dick!!!! I'm just going and going and nothing is happening.......I thinkin what the hell!!! L.D. finally decides to tell me about 20 minutes or so of this and me freakin out in my mind that I'm doing it wrong that a couple of years ago he had prostrate cancer and had his prostrate remove. I thinkin ok I understand things like that happen but what does that mean???? He fesses up that he can't get a hard-on unless he gives himself a shot in his dick and the shot cost $45.00. Ok I can deal with that too, so where is the shot? ...............HE HAS NO SHOT!!!!! that means no hard-on......what the fuck did he think he was gonna do with me???? but oh no that isn't the only mishap with this man......while I'm going down on him tryin to figure out why he's not getting hard, he's thinks it's sexy and hot to rub my coochie with his big toe...........YES HIS FREAKIN BIG TOE!!!!! so you can just image what's going thru my mind not only am I freak cause I can't get him hard, I'm think what the fuck is he doing with his feet on me. No I didn't like it, didn't remotely turn me on, I just thinkin how the hell do I get these guys. All this is bad enough and for some reason I must have blocked out some of what happened because the next thing I really remember is sitting at the end of my couch (nude) and he is laying back on the other end of the couch with his legs kind of across my lap and he has fallen asleep. I'm thinkin I need to wake this man up and send him on his way. While he's sleeping all of a sudden he is twitching and jerking and making these funny noises. I just watching him thinkin OMG this guy better not be having a heart attack or be dying on my couch......naked no less. Finally I'm freakin enough from all the movements and noises that I'm tryin to wake him up.
He wakes up and I tellin him what happened ....he has restless leg syndrome.......I'm thinkin no hard-on, pussy foot fetish and restless leg.....OMG what else. He gets up to use the restroom and I jump up put my robe on, then sit in my chair (chair for one person chair) he come back to the living room , sit on the arm of my chair and wants to start stuff again........I like no fuckin way this is going anywhere else, so I tell him he needs to go home because he told me earlier he was traveling to North Carolina the next day. I got him out the door and turned the dead bolt lock just shaking my head thinking OMG how does this shit happen to me??? What the hell was he thinkin comin to my place knowing he wasn't gonna be able to get a hard-on, meanig no pussy and knowing I wasn't going to get any dick. What was he thinkin?? What goes thru a man's mind when you know you can't get a hard-on without a shot, you have no shot with you, your not gonna satisfy the woman your going home with.......what's the fuckin point. At this point between Itty Bitty and Limp Dick I don't think I want any man for a while.

Football

Woohoo football season is almost here again......I can't wait. I love football and I have decided that football maybe played by men but is a sport for women....yeah I can hear the questions....say what a sport for women?? Hell yeah men in tight pant with big muscle, tight ends and penetration!!!! Sounds perfect to me just need a football player!! So what this got to do with bedposts and knotches?? Well I like going to Buffalo Wild wings to watch the games...something about men on the big screen and a few drinks. So one night in sitting at Bdubs for a bite to eat and a couple drinks watching the game. I don't have a problem with being alone....so there I sat at the bar minding my own business, enjoying the game, playing with my phone. I realize the guy sitting a few stools over keeps watching what I'm doing and finally he move over sits next to me....starts asking me about my blackberry..having the internet....now this guy travels so he was asking me about the weather in North Carolina because he was going there the next day. So we watch the game, talk.....at first I like I don't know but the more we talked the more we seemed to have in common...going through a divorce...grown sons....about the same age....football...etc so thing move forward from there and I thought ok maybe this could be something. He was kinda nice looking and really sweet to me, So in my new freedom mode I decided he could come to my place and he followed me home. This sweet man I'm gonna call Ld

OMG Factor

ok so you ready for the OMG factor because I still feel like OMG everytime I think about IB.
Back on the floor and tired to rock my world but didn't .......about then he takes off the rest of his clothes so we could get it on......that's when I seen "it" as in Itty Bitty Teeny Weinie!! OMG this young guy's dick was Itty Bitty for all his life long..........I know your thinking how itty bitty can it be?? Pretty damn Itty Bitty as in my thumb was bigger then his dick, as in a 5 year old has a bigger dick then him, as in I feel sorry for him to have to live his life with such a small dick. And by the way this was with a hard on......just think on that for a minute......ok so now I'm think are you kidding me, what the hell do I do with that and how, then can I go home now, so I bite my lip and think ok this might work (remember about taking a clue) and forward we went.
I'm gonna make this short and sweet and to the point........he couldn't get it in....not even close....humped my leg a couple of times then spuged on my leg......then proceded to wipe the spuge off my leg with the sock he had on. At this point I just wanted to go home shower and go to bed. Most of all I wanted to forget the whole thing but all I could think was OMG how could that be so Itty Bitty??

Now I have to say I didn't want to see or even talk to IB again and shortly after that my son moved to Indy but oh for whatever reason he wanted to hook up with me again. Texted me almost daily which I was nice but didn't fall for any kind of suggestive talk but he wouldn't stop.
Wanted me to go to England with him.....yeah right like that was ever gonna happen.......and he got really kinda pushy like I was hanging out at home all lonely waiting for somone to entertain me........I dont think so this gal can take care and entertain herself if I have too. So finally a great friend sent him a text message that I had a man and that man was taken caring of me every night. Finally he decided to move on and I haven't heard from him since. Thanks for the help big J!!!!!!

IB.......yes there is a reason for the name

Alright so I have to say IB lived in the same complex that I live in and at the time my son (his friend) still lived with me......did I feel guilt ?? NO!! Did I feel weird about him being my son's friend.....maybe a little but the thought of getting young hot pony that was more interesting. Beside my son and I had a deal he don't say anything about who I hook up with as long as its not my ex (his dad) and I could work with that.

So I'm at IB place....we were talking and watchin the fire in the fireplace and seemed like he was a little unsure where to start things, so I decide ok I can be the "Mrs Robinson" and start things because it already was 4am and I wanted to get some sleep that night. I climbed into his lap straddling his legs and things got going......the kissing....which I should have took a clue there already because he didn't kiss worth a damn......the touchy feely thing and men are just too fasinated with boobs...don't get me wrong love the boobs touched, kissed, licked, sucked but there again I should have took a clue because he didn't do anything for me in the boobage either. Ok so thing progressed from there and we ended up on the floor....have to give him credit he tried to rock my world with his tongue but again I should have took a clue....it just wasn't happening....I should have left then, save me and him the omg factor.

Knotch number 2

Knotch number two is the one I will call Itty Bitty or how about IB. By the time I'm done with this knotch you will begin to understand why my friend says "this crazy shit only happens to you." Just gonna start this by saying that I have known IB since he was in school........grade school actually and I dont mean he was in school with me but with my son......yes this guy was 23 years old. Ran into him at Shouts one night and he was hitting on me. He really isn't the kind of attractive that I like and he is young. But another one of my friends was telling me sometimes the ugly duck dude might be really a nice guy and hot. So between that and him being young, here again I thought ridin that pony just might be fun......

that's what i get for thinkin.........so I went to his place and things got started........

I'm gonna be bitchy and petty.......

.....ok so when I see Copper these days that is what I think.......F**k You!!!

So you wanna know what kind of asswipe he is.......ok so go back read the blog about no string no attachments.......part of that deal was I told him when your done and are gonna move on just say so. You know...... Yo baby it was nice playin hide half a weinie with you but I found a new bun. I'm a self centered asshole that thinks I'm gods gift and I found new person to grace with my presence. Something.....anything but no he couldn't even do that, had to find out round about on my own and when I did I confronted him. Told him all you had to do was say your done, why didn't you and he had no answer. I am pretty straight forward, I think I'm pretty strong so that he couldn't suck it up and be honest really pissed me off. No respect for a man like that......for a big man and a cop to boot, he is the biggest asshole, most lily livered, spineless, little dicked, pussy assed bitch!!!! I honestly think after that he was afraid of me because he would avoid me like I was gonna kick his ass. I just didn't get it because other than confronting him about why he didn't just tell me he moved on, I was civil and congenial towards him. But needless to say I have totally lost any respect for him and when I see him he does absolutely nothin for me. Which is good for me and made thing easy to move on. But also made me wonder and doubt myself to be forward enough to go after a man. So now I let the men hit on me and I go from there..............so that is where I will go next. Copper was the first knotch on the bedpost.

good stuff

......good stuff....gotta love that! Ok I was definitely caught up in Copper. Just looking at him made me wanna ride the pony!! If I could have had my way I would have rode him hard we both would have been wet!! Anyway when it finally happened for the most part if was fun and good. When your like me (not little skinny girl) and your laying on the bed, Copper says come here, takes ya by the ankle, pulls you across the bed to where he wants you like most people would drag a 10# bag of potatoes.......certain part of the of the ole bod go into overdrive. That is the way things were with him he was very aggressive and would flip, turn and move me around all over the place. On the bed, to the floor, to the bed, turn this way, now turn the other way, put your legs here, back to the floor and this man like to do the doggy. To bad he didnt have a dick big enough to make all that movin around worth while. For a big man he was not big in the department that would have made a difference to me. But I have to say I was so turn on by the body and the way he kissed I could deal with the lacking in the dick department..........we hooked up a couple times and then the asshole in him must of kicked in. Wow how to tell this part with out being totally bitchy and petty........

details....

Details...well I kinda sorta gonna give some good details but not gonna name names...yeah I know danm your no fun but it will be alright.

So this one I'm gonna call Copper!! You know I just don't get men...from the very beginning I told Copper no string no attachment just fun and a good time.....isn't that like every mans dream?? Hell I was seperated but wasn't finalized divorced so that is all I wanted was a good time and maybe someone to talk to. No boyfiend, god knows don't want a husband and don't want a keeper. So you would think Copper would have liked that idea (men??) Anyway the first time we hooked up I just wasnted to wrap myself around him, on him, touch him, lick, kiss, bite, taste him!!! What man don't want that?? We'll let me tell you few parts were great endings not so good and even things were disappointing.....guess I shouldn't say things but his dick....disappointing. Big men seem to have little dicks and until proven otherwise that is my oppinion and I'm stickin too it!! (Tell ya more about that later). Ok so let's talk about the good stuff for a second because that is about how long it lasted......

You know I was thinkin about all the things I would like to blog about in this blog. Where to start.....what to tell......how much to tell........so I guess I just need to move on.

It took me a while to realize after I left, got my own place and statrted going out (and I mean going out is going out partyin not dating) how much the ex controlled my personality or at least tried too. I dont have problems talking to strangers, making friends having a good time and even if I'm out on my own. So that was the first big thing I did was go out and drink at bars on my own. I have had some of the most fun starting out on my own. I'm comfortable with my own company but man company is much more fun.

So start at the beginning.......this first man......wow did I have the hots for him.....tall and built like a brick shit house (and remember the shit house part for later). I absolutely love big men and at this point I mean in stature, and this one was amazing. He is like 6'4" and about 290 lbs, he lifted weights. I wanted to absolutely wrap myself around him. So whenever I would see him at work I would oogle him unmercifully and told my coworkers that I would do him in a heartbeat or I like to say "I'd ride that pony!!!!!!"

Bless my coworker for helping me out and gave him my number and told him I wanted to talk to him. Well one thing you have to understand he is a cop in my little corner of the world and besides having the hots for large stature men I have a thing for cops, firemen, soldier........it is the uniform thing but has to be a unifornm of authority. The bug guy uniform dont get it, if you know what I mean. Much to my surprise he calls me actually called me, that in of itself just blew me away..........anyway he thinks I want to speak to him as a cop and I need help.......well I wanted help alright LOL some very personal special help!!!!! Hell I was even game for the handcuffs, thought that is what cops like and want to to have willing handcuffed woman at his mercy and at this point "willing" is my middle name......... So we talk several time and things get pretty suggestive and graphic and I just this once gonna mention file 42............let's move on ahead from there. Yes we finally "hook up" he did things to me I wish I could do again but not with him. Details how much detail.......have to think about that one and pick up there next time.........to be continued

Next Phase.....

I know u see next phase.....next phase to what? LOL the next phase right now for me is figuring out how to post blogs from my blackberry. Since this is where I'm typing from I must be having a smart moment. I know your thinking so big deal but as much as I love new tech stuff and love gadgets (like my blackberry) I have no patience in figuring things out sometimes. If it don't work like I think it should I get pissed and say fuck it.

Starting out

Alright I'm starting this blog at the encouragement of my BFF. You know who you are. I think I will start with some history about me.........what to say?? I am recently divorced, I was married for more than 25 years.......never thought I would get divorced even though when I finally did it and left I was more than ready. I did my tour of duty as a good wife and good mom. Actually I was a great mom and still am. My sons are grown and now appericate the kind of mom I am. Cant say that about my ex husband. Leaving the ex was the best thing I have ever done for myself...........because of him I have struggled with self-image, self-confidence, self-worth and everything else self. I honestly believe if I would have stayed with him I would have had a nervous break down and totally lost myself. I'm sure that sounds strange but it took me a little while for my real personality to come back out. Maybe some of the friends I have will tell a little about me (see what people think of me)

One thing I have learned since I am on my own and have experienced sex is that I am not "cold or fridged" . Just because I wasn't interested in having sex with my ex after he was talking sex or having cyber sex with women on the internet doesn't make me cold.......but it does make him an unfeeling selfish ass.