Cold road and stuff

Went for a walk this morning at about 11am.  It was freakin cold but I got out and walked.  Woo hoo brownie points for me.  BTW this is about another goal I have been working on and that is losing weight.  I have lost some, working hard to eat better, take my lunch everyday, try to exercise.  I have noticed I do feel better, when I eat things that I have cut out because it isn't that good for me it almost makes me sick.  I stopped drinking soda (except when I go out and party--crown and coke yum), drink more water.  I divorced my husband because I wanted to be happy in my life and make/have a better life.  I am finally figuring out what I want and where I want to go.  Now to enjoy and move into my life and happiness..........it'sgonna be good to be me!!

goals

I have been on a new coarse for my life in the last 2 months.  I have to say I do think I am making a little progress.  At least enough to make me feel better about my life and myself.  I have a long way from where I was just 2 months ago.  I do have to say I have a friend to thnak for saying something to me that made something in my head click that I wasn't happy with how I was living my life.  Now I have been working to make the changes in my life, there are still several things I want to do.  First thing is my housing situation.....I have something in the works and if it works I am gonna be a happy camper.  I look forward to the opportunity to make this house my own.  This is a dream I've had for years, while I was still married and knew it would never happen.  I am so close now that I can feel it in my bones.  If it falls thru.......it will be ok because I have another house lined up, I just don't like this other house as much.  I need a place to work and make my own.  I would like to go back to school, I just can't decide if I want to do a full program or just take classes in what I'm interested in.  Then I also need to make a decision on exactly what I want to do.   I want and need to make my life better and I'm not sure staying at Payless and what I'm doing is it.  I love my job for the most part, I love most of the people I work with, and I even don't mind the customers but I don't feel like that my life will move forward if I stay where i am.  Some of it is the money factor, ok, alot is the money factor but I also want to be able to progress forward in what I'm doing.  So my first objective is getting a house and getting that settled.  I am hoping to be where I want to be with that by the end of the summer.  Then looking at the possiblity of school in the fall.  Also been thinking about putting in apps for other jobs.  Maybe I need to fill out a resume and do some of the online job search things. 

tomorrows love hope-a-scope

Daily Love for January 27, 2010« Prev Day Next Day » Libra

Daily Flirt:
You're going back and forth on something right now -- it's like you're having a debate with yourself. You're used to holding your own in debate with other people, but this is something else entirely.
Daily Singles:
If you spend all your time worrying about what one date or another thought about you, you wouldn't have a life. So this one didn't work out. Big deal. Some people in this world just have bad taste.

I am so addicted to reading my horoscope everyday and a lot of time they are so close it it down right creepy, scary, funny.....take your pick.
     For the daily single......that  I spend alot of time worrying what someone thought of me is so true and so true that I need to stop worrying about it......"that some people in this world just have bad taste" is also true I need to stop always wondering, worrying, and thinking that things are my fault or there is something wrong with me.........I'm realizing that alot of the time its not me. 
 
A few weeks ago I made myself a sign that I hung up in place that I would see on a daily bases, to remind myself that my life is about me.......being happy, being strong, being loved, being kind, being beautiful and always moving forward.  I know this probably sounds corny but I am the only peron that can make these things happe for me. 

love ho------scope!!!

Daily Flirt:


Things are going really well for you these days. Still, it's obvious that your life would be a lot more fun if you had someone to share it with. The right person will come along when you're not expecting it.
Ok -- so hello Mr Right Person.....My name is ****** and I'm ready to meet you!!!!


Daily Singles:


Feeling antsy? No wonder! You're ready to get a move on, but your friends like the same old watering holes. Convince them that there are bigger and better prospects to be had at different venues.

So true need some new views!!!!

discovery!!!

I made.....for me a profound discovery!!!  I want to have a relationship, not sure what kind or how far.  I know at this point I don't plan on every getting married again, I want more than a fuck buddy. Don't know if I can say I want a boyfriend because I feel like at my age "do you have a boyfriend"???  Boyfriend sounds so high school to me for some reason.  Now the big discovery?????  I have been very leery of men because I don't want to be hurt, I still don't but (this is the discovery part) life is full of hurts, disappointments, disillusion, and that is ok.  It is how you handle all of lifes hurts, disappointments, and disilluions.......chalk it up at a learning exercise.....I'm better and stronger...........but most of all I'm going to move on and most importantly forward.  With that said stop laughing because it works for me.

Horoscopes

Ok so do you read your horoscope, hope, wonder, imagine that they know what they are talking about.
Well lately I have gotten absolultely habitual about reading mine.....not only the one that is a app on my phone but one from yahoo.  Found this thing on yahoo called "manage your life on Shine" its at //shine.yahoo.com.  Has some other interesting stuff but I love the horoscope stuff.  Like my bff said to me it is funny how it seems to mirrors so much that is going on in my life. 
     Now this morning I have come to the conclusion yet again that I have a friend I need to have a talk with.  I think of him as a friend and I would love for it to be more but just don't think it will happen.  He says he wants to be friends but he wants a friendly hi how are you friend......at least that is more of how I see it.  I'm over wondering if it is me.  When deep down if I would let it up and out, I know it is not me.......he has the I scared, I'm a pussy, or whatever it is issues. So with that said......during my walk in the park today I made up my mind I am gonna have my say when I see him, After I got home and look at my horoscope and this is what it said...................

Sure, it looks obvious on the surface. But look closer. You're missing something:

Try to reach a close friend or family member, preferably in person, for a nice long chat. You need to unburden yourself somewhat, though it shouldn't end up being a festival of tears.

This is so on the mark of what I was thinking it is almost weird.  Now I just need to be able to do it and then whatever is to be will be

Valentine....................

I just have this to say
 LOVE STINKS.............
and FUCK VALENTINE'S

Thank you!!!!
hehehe and it isn't even February yet!
Just think how I'll feel come Feb 14th

wanna date?

So here I sit, at home alone, watching tv and doing stuff on my computer.......again.  I wonder why?  As much as a like to go out to the bars and hang out, I know I'm not going to find the type of man I would really want to hang out and be with.  I mean I guess it could happen but probably not.  So where or how do you go about finding a man that would be what I'm looking for?  Guess I'm clueless because I always heard the grocery store is a good place......well that is where I meet my ex husband and I work in one.  See how well that is going for me.......so do you try a dating service.  When I am on facebook I see all these advertisements for dating.....older men, men over 40, not all men are jerks (yes that is what it says), active men over 40.  All that stuff and I wonder if I should try it......I wouldn't mind but I know one thing for sure I'm not paying to find a date. How for real is the service and the men that use them?  All I know is I'm not willing to play games.  Not to mention the pictures of the men they use on those advertisments....wow I would like one of them but I'm not so lucky.  So that still leaves me with what to do?  Here's the number someone call and see how legit they are.......1-317-616-7185

Are you available??

What do men want?  I mostly figured it is sex....and 85% I think that is what they want.  They all say they want to be friends, they respect you.......blah, blah, blah.  But basically I don't think men know what they want. Or how to go about getting it and then not be scared of it.  At least when it is sex I know either I want the same thing or they can fuck off because I'm not interested.  You know a friend told me I haven't found anyone yet because I'm either too picky or I don't make myself available. Yes I have come to realize I am picky.....I'm fine with being picky, because I don't deserve just anyone that comes along and thinks I'm gonna be their bitch.  I deserve to treated with honesty, care, consideration and  to be loved.........loved for who I am because who I am is really a great woman to be around, be with.  Now the part about not making myself available, that's one I don't understand.  I'm not hard to talk to or to get along with.  How does a person (woman--me) make themself not available? or avalable? I'm not talking about being married, dating, living with someone.....obvouisly that is unavailable but how is it that I'm unavavailable?? I'm divorced, easy to talk to, up front about things soooo........ Is it a vibe, expression on my face, something I say, what I wear, the way I smell, the way I walk, how I present myself.......what is it exactly?   If someone knows let me know.

always question

Do you ever have so many things you are thinking about, things you want to do, questions to ask, that you don't know what to do first?  Even what to think about first.  You would think at this point in my life, the age that I am......I would have more answers and know what I want.  I guess I do know what I want for the most part just not sure how to get there.  Or what will happen when I get there, will that be a good thing when I get there or will it be another stupid mistake.  I wish I could trust in myself that it will all be ok.  That what I do is and will be right.  This delimia effects so much of my life and what I want.  When I left my marriage I wanted things to be so different.....is it all for the better?  Am I really happy.  Did I make the right choice?.....now with that said I do feel like it was the right choice for me.  But where do I go from here?

where life takes you

Isn't it amazing where life takes you??  Sometime good....everyone only hopes for the good but that isn't the way it always works.  Then sometimes......probably alot of the time it is where you let yourself be taken or just ride the flow along.  That is what I am dealing with now.......where I have let mysef be taken.  Honestly I don't blame anyone but myself.  That is the whole of it.......I know I was stupid about things and I let them happen.  So now I am left to deal with and figure out te consquences to the actions i've taken.  I know reading this you can only be thinking what the f**k is she rambling about?  I will ramble it all out soon, I need to think about it some more and get myself to the place I face up to my own shortcomings.  You don't get to my age and not realize you make mistakes but the hard part is saying to yourself.....I screwed up, it will be ok, correct it when you can and move forward.  I am at a time where I need to make decisions for myself and remember "It is about ME!!!"  taking care of me, making me strong, knowing me is beautiful, making me happy, loving me and alwys move forward.  Don't dwell on the past.......past mistakes, past mistreatments, past hurts, past fear.  Everyday is a new day........what will it brings me but what will I bring the new day??

Just a note

Hi everyone that has read my blog.  I know I have been gone and blogless for several months now.  I decided to get back to the blog because my bff, misses my blogs.  I have been thinking of getting back into the blog but I do think it is going to take a change in direction.  I noticed that the blogging can sometime just help with venting about my life but sometimes just like talking to someone when things are on your mind the blogging also helps.  I'm not sure direction I want to go, not that I will stop blogging about the random stupid things in my life because they still happen.  I know this started out as the knotches on the preverbal bedpost but alot of that has stopped and that will be for a later blog.  Just wanted to let anyone that checks that I'm back.
I'm off to bed and I will tell more tomorrow or actually later today since it is 2:30 am.