mismatched

Friday night....I met up with some friends and we went out for some drinks. You know usually Friday nights at the Ramada is pretty busy, but not this Friday night. Really was down right boring...guess the rain put a damper on things. The friends I was drinking with decided to go to another bar and I just wasn't up for it. First of this place is a little rough, they make crappy drinks, and the state cop are noturious for pulling people over around this area. So I just stay away from there if I have been drinking, which tonight I was feeling no pain. So anyway I leave the Ramada, decide to stop at Gas America for some bottled water and I had to pee. Go to the bathroom to take care of business, wash my hands when the deed is done....look in the mirror at my new haircut which I don't like and low-n-behold I have on mismatched earrings. I don't go out in mismatched earrings...not only are they mismatched, they are two different size hoops, one is silver and one is gold. WTF I did not drink any liquor while getting ready or anytime before getting to the bar. Not only that all the people I know and call friends didn't notice or they didn't tell me. Wonder which one it was. But I need to really stress here I do not go out mismatched in any way shape or form!!!

Uncle Jam

Hey call me crazy but I liked Uncle Jamicia, so I took him home.  Now I definetly have a couple blogs about uncle because I need to spilit it up.  This was interesting and strange for me and really brought some questions up in my mind ofr me and about myself.  This blog I took him home with me.........that was kind of odd in of itself because I didn't go out with the idea of looking for someone.  I actually really like someone else but he won't give me the time of day for the most part that I don't know why I don't just forget him and move on.  I would like to be something with him but not sure what (definitely not a hubby) but friend, friend with benefits.........something.  But big draw back he kind of flirts sometimes, knows me, is nice to me but we can't seem to get past that. I know his best friend but I just don't want to ask a bunch of question and then something bad happens.  I just don't have the courage to be the one to start things becasue the last two times I did that it kind of pretty much back fired on me........so anyway back to uncle jam......I was surprised with myself that I took him home because I had decided I wasn't gonna mess with any men for a while because they just aren't worth the trouble.  I hadn't messed with anyone for several months, that was ok with me since I know how to take care of my own issues. (if you know what I mean)   While talking to Uncle Jam the question always comes up, "where's your man?"   Always answer the same don't have one, don't need one.  Then I tell them right up front I don't have much luck with men they either have little dicks or want to sponge off of me and I don't need that either.  Then the next thing they want to know is what is a little dick??  That's when I get to laugh and I hold up my thumb..........they look at me like are you serious and that I'm joking.  Nope not joking so you see why I'm over it. They always look at me and say all these sweet things, they can't figure out why some man hasn't snatched me up for themself and usually say so.  First off when they are sweet talking me they know I don't believe that crap because I'm not beautiful and usually tell them so.  Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder because I don't see it.   So while talking to Uncle Jam I was trying to decide if I wanted to do the jamician mambo with him........finally thought what the hell, haven't had any for quiet a while and I'm not gonna get what I was kind of holding out for so might as well have some action.  So we went home to do the mambo!!!!!

Panty Raid next issue!!

Alright I know this is gonna be stupid and silly but I just have to throw this out there..................you know in panty raid I talked about my dog liking my dirty panties and chewing them up.  The other night I went out for the night........my Thursday at Shouts........usually wear black bra and black panties.  Dressed like I always do at least as far as the underwear part.  I am at Shout for a while.......had a pitcher of long island, it was time for a potty run.  Get to the restroom, pull down my underwear and here again..........WTF........my panties have a hole the size of a fifty cent piece chewed out of the crotch........thank to  my dog.  After I get done thinking that damn dog, I need to not let her anywhere near my dirty clothes it kind of clicks with me why didn't I notice it when I put them on.  Ok I can kind of understand not seeing it when I put them on because I have to hurry putting on my underwear or the dog thinks we are going to play tug-of-war with them.  I'm jamming my feet in the leg holes pulling them up as fast as I can but why don't those outer hoochie lips feel the bare spot.........no breeze blowing thru, no cold spot, no hole-radar, nothing just bam there's the holey panties.   You know you feel it when you touch the hoochie-coochie........you know when someone else touches, you feel it when your panties get wet or damp, even when Aunt Mary visits and you don't have her bed ready.....................so why not a hole.  Now mind you this has happened to me twice, so this is a legit question.   So if you read this you need to let someone chew a hole in you panties and see if you feel it when you put them on..................and let me know!!

Tag Team me????

Last night I was out, having a drink......my basic kick back, have a drink, listen to the music and relaxing.  Like any other time I was at the bar minding my own business this guy came up to me and ask me if I was alone.  Well yes....he knew that because he and another man sat on the other side of the bar from me.....seen me sitting alone.  Turns out the other guy is his uncle.   He ask me if I would come sit with them and talk to them.........sure why not, this could be interesting.  Yes I went over sat between.  They were both originally from Jamicia.  When I first ask the uncle where are you from he says Ohio.  I looked a him funny and said that don't sound like a Ohio accent......he just kind of laughs and says I live in Ohio but grew up and I'm from Jamicia.  Ok that settled we just start the basic shooting the shit stuff.  Of course seems like they all say the same thing about my eyes, my smile and my lips.  Oh but this one says he like my booty!!!!......and I'm like are you kidding me?......not the boobs but the ass.  Hmmmm what's this ones line now.  But while I'm talking to the uncle, nephew on the other side keeps throwing little things out there.  Finally nephew asks me if I have ever been with 2 Jamicians..........hell I never been with one.........then nephew starts telling me the eyes and lips story like most men and that he wants to kiss me.  About this time I'm looking back and forth between the two..........and finally ask them what's the deal you two trying to tag team me or what???  Nephew just gives me a look like huh what are you talking about so I ask Uncle.........he don't know what tag teaming is.  So I enlighten him........now he's pissed because he realizes nephew has been hiting on me from oe side while he's trying to get friendly on the other........and me??? I'm sitting there thinking HELLO!!! do you think I'm stupid!!!   Nw don't get me wrong I would mind trying that sometime but I haven't came across two men that interest me enough to let them have at me both at the same time.  Anyway I give them both a look and uncle starts in on nephew in Jamician (which I don't understand) so I can only assume uncle was telling nephew to back off because next thing I knew nephew was walking away.  I guess they understood I didn't feel like being tag teamed and really didn't appericate being worked by two.  Maybe that is something I need to consider down the road.............

teenager vs adult

I have been thinking for the last several days that I would really like to find someone to be with on a more regular bases. Not necessaily to marry or anything like that but someone to go out with...dinner, movie, shopping,mini roadtrip,fair, festivals,concert or even to hang out with at home to watch movies fix dinner things like that. I don't need or mean for either of us to be up each others butt 24-7. And yes someone to have sex with but I have this war inside of me that I have those moments like when I was a teenager and feel desperate for someone to love me. Like I never will find anyone....the old maid syndrome. I hate that feeling and in my adult mature grown up mind I know that isn't true and even know that the old maid thing is bullshit. Even in all honesty I'm not desparate by any means just in that moment of wishing for someone it kind of kicks in. As a adult I know it is not that big of a deal to be alone because I do have friends but its those time when I want to go to the movies and don't have anyone or things like that when the teenager stuff kicks in. In all I like my space and my time to myself but then do miss the campionship of someone to be there too. Maybe some of it is my own fault....am I too picky? I don't want someone that is going to take advantage of me and yes my kindness....I'm no ones free ride and I don't want a free ride from a man either. Not to mention looks....like I have room to talk but it is what it is....so the question is what do I want and.....be a adult or a teenager?? LoL at least in the feelings department!!

Panty Raid

What is with dogs and underwear??  I have a girl puppy almost 6 months old......she is great.  I love her to pieces and she has made me so happy.  Always happy when I get home, always happy to be around me, snuggles up with me, entertains me, makes me laugh and just all around fun.  So I have just one issue with her.......she loves my underwear......she chews and licks the crotch of my dirty underwear.  I have to make sure I put them away when I take them off.  She likes girl dirty underwear......does that make her a lesbian dog or just a freaky dog??  She likes boob sweat too but she don't get to lick boobs because it is just too weird, but she'd do it if I would let her.  So the other evening right before I went to bed I put on clean underwear, turned the lights out and went to bed.  I woke up about 5:30 am, had to go to the bathroom.  Sat on the toilet and seen the crotch of my underwear with a hole about the size of a 50 cent piece.  WTF........Apparently she got into my dirty underwear and chewed the crotch until there was a hole in then......must have happened when I had my laundry by the door to go to the laundry mat.  I took a nap and when I got up she had several piece if my laundry scattered around the room.  Hell I just picked them all up threw it back in the basket not thinking anything of it.  So now I have to make sure she stays out of my dirty clothes!!

Come here just don't mean what it used to!!!!

Had to be at work this morning, i needed a shower.  Put my puppy...Roxie on her run, opened the sliding glass door a few inches so she could go outside to potty and some resh air.  With the door open she could also come in if she got cold.  I took my shower came out to check on her, she was sitting a couple of feet from her water bowl so I thought she couldn't reach it.  When I looked at her she had that look on her face like  "uh oh I'm in trouble now".  I looked at her and wondered what she had gotten into.  I din't see anything, decided to take her off the leash, put the leash back outside, and close the sliding glass door.  The absolute second I unhooked her from her leash, Rox shot up and out the sliding glass door...at first for a second I was like WTF but then I ran after her yelling for her to come here.  Out in the yard was the mower man on the lawn mower and she being the big (7#) bad ass dog was out there barking and raising hell with the mower guy.  I'm standing at my sliding glass door yelling at her to come here and she don't even turn around to look at me she is gonna get the big bad mower.  Even though I only had a towel wrapped around me, I step out onto my porch in said towels trying to get this crazy bitch dog to come back but she isn't listening.  I come back in and see the blanket on the couch grab it and throw it around my shoulders and out the door I go trying to get my dog........she's still barking and carrying on.  While this is going on the mower guy shuts off the mower and it trying to shoo Roxie back.  With Roxie still not listening to me I go back into the house and grab the flyswater......I call it the smacker.  So back out in the yard I go, towel aound me (hair in a towel) blanket around my shoulders with the smacker to get my crazy dog........once I get closer to her, she thinks I playing and starts running circles around me.  First one direction and then the other....back and forth ......and me yelling at her "you little bitch"  Afterwards in all that twirling back and forth chasing the dog I don't know if the mower guy got a free show of me under the towel and blanket (but thank goodness I shave the cooch!!)  Anyway I chased Rox around for what felt like forever, she decided she was going around the side of the apartment building and I sure as hell wasn't chasing her that way in a towel and a blanket so I stomped back into my apartment to put on some clothes.  Throwing on a pair of sweat pants and a sweatshirt, I went after her again.  In the time I put some clothes on the mower guy got off his mower and she wanted to visit him.......I come out and she's on her back so mower guy can rub her belly.  He grabs her, picks her up as I stomp over to him.....the whole time grumbling that I'm gonna beat her ass.  I looked the mower guy in the eye, pointed my finger at him and said, " you don't say a word about what happened or what you seen.  It didn't happen and you didn't see anything." He said he wouldn't say anything but I'm so pissed  at Roxie that I didn't notice if he was laughing but I'm sure he was on the inside and I know he's gonna tell his buddies about the crazy woman and her dog......and by the way I beat her ass with the smacker all the way back into the apartment!!!!

question of the day!!

I will honestly say I don't know where is came from but  for some reason I understood what it meant soon as it was said......."can you flip a cashew off your hog?"  We always get into these strange, funny, improper and downright bazierre conversations at work and that was the question that came up.  "Can you flip a cashew off your hog?"  When the question first came up, the person had no clue what it meant, and like I said I never heard of it before but understood soon as it was said.  We ask a few other people and some knew and some didn't.......there as a reference to something about Dane Cook.  Now I don't watch Dane Cook so I don't how this question has a reference with Dane Cook.  I just think it's funny how some people knew what it meant or made reference too and others didn't.  So what does that make me??  I don't even have a idea where to start with that one.  So I have another question........if  a man can flip a cashew off the hog what can| women do??   Now I been thinking about this one for a while and I know what to do with a cashew, and what to do with the hog......does that count?  So the question of the day is..........what do women do??

Nightmare or what?

Last night I dreamed about my ex...I dreamed that I told him I would take him back if he promised to change, that I missed him and still loved him!! Cough, choke, spit, gage snarl,and a few other obscence noises that dream is never gonna happen and that was more of a nightmare then anything!! I don't miss him, don't miss much from being married but I can honestly say there is a little I do miss......like...regular sex would be the big thing but also someone to eat dinner with, someone to just shoot the shit with, someone to watch tv with, or to aggravate, goof with, cry on,and the companionship but honestly I didn't get a lot of that from my ex so I have missed and craved someone for all those things for a long time. I just wonder if I will ever find someone to have those simple things with...guess time will tell and only god knows if I will and when!!

Do dreams come true?

I was just going to bed and when I get under the covers, get myself situated. I usually think about things as I get ready to go to sleep....like dreams, fantasies or maybe just things I would like to do and even things I need to do. I don't know if you can necessaily call them dreams but sometimes I think about special things I wish would happen.....do these ever come true?? I have to say for the most part they don't because I have thought about a certain man enough that he should be getting telepathic sex shockwaves every night or vacation that I should have sand in my bed under the sheets by now. You know they say there is power in the mind but either my mind and me thinking the things I do have a disconnect somewhere along the line because nothing ever seems to happen for me. Maybe I don't know how to achieve the dreams and thoughts I have but maybe they are just not meant to happen. I don't know but if nothing else I wish that man would have sexual shockwave from me because I sure have sexual something about him!!!!

short and to the point

Can you get burned out on partying??
Where are the decent men??
What do you do when you are over the bullshit??
What if you want a man and are afraid to approach him??
How do you find that personal happiness??
How fat is too fat??

Ok I know these are stupid but if you have a answer
please let me know!!!

Self Satisfaction

Self satisfaction can come in so many forms......what do you think of when someone says self satisfction?  Doing things for yourself that makes you happy.........buying that outfit you love, going out to eat at your favorite restuarant, going for a drive, walking in the park, taking a long hot bath, watching your favorite tv show, watching what you want on tv, having control of the remote, reading a book for hours on end, sleeping in as late as you want, going to the tanning bed, getting a puppy, listening to the music you enjoy, etc. etc. etc
I just realized in typing this that most people and especially women (wives and moms) don't do what they would like to do for themselves, not even some of the time because they are usually doing for someone else, like a spouse or children.  I know because that was the way my life used to be and now I do more for myself but I'm not so sure I feel the self satisfaction.  My son's have their own lives, I have my own life without a spouse (which that part I'm happy about)  but now I have more time to contemplate silly things like self satisfaction and what it means to me.  I listed all those things and yes some of those things make me happy but mostly it makes me happy that I can do those things without feeling guilty, or having t explain myself to someone else.  In all honesty I started this about self satisfaction and it turned into a way more serious topic then I wanted it to be ...........my self satisfaction was orginally the thought of satisfying myself without having a man........yes that is exactly what I mean.......spending a few meaningful moments with my toys!!!!  Pushing myself over that personal edge to momentary happiness, relief, relaxaion and bliss.  Damn if that feeling could just last a little longer........hell a man can't even do that!!!!! So here's to self satisfation!!!!!

The Pool Boy

This is another knotch........when you read this your going to think......OMG does she ever learn and all I can say is apparently not!!!!  This knotch is about the pool boy.......now when I say pool boy is wasn't that he worked at the pool nor did he clean the pool.  We both  lived at a apartment complex that has a pool and he was at the pool the same times I would be at the pool.   This past summer I would go to the pool to lay out......now mind you I'm not a miss skinny minnie like I say in my profile I have plenty of cushion for the pushin but I still wear a two piece bathing suit.  Boyshorts and bikini top...........I don't think I'm miss sexy but I don't really care when I lay out.......if you don't like what you see then look the other way.  So with that said when I was laying out on several occasions I realized this guy at the pool kept watching me..........all I could think is "what you ain't never seen a fat girl in a bathing suit or what??"  On this one beautiful hot sunny day I went to the pool and there he was on the back side of the pool so I decided to lay out on the other side with my back to him thinking this would solve the problem of him watching me.  Oh no that didn't stop him from watching me so I decided to lay on my stomach, when I do I always unfasten my top.  While laying there with my top undone he decides to leave.....walking all the way around the pool to walk past me.  As he walks by he stops next to me and says, "I just want you to know your sexy as hell."  I look up at him and then look around like he must be talking to someone else and even say "who me?"  He says, "yes your sexy as hell"  At that point I figure the best thing to do is just say Thank you.  The Pool Boy starts to walk away and then comes back and asks me if I want his number so we can text.  I thought of what the hell, what can it hurt.  But instead if taking his I give him mine figuring he would change his mind when he walked away and thought about things......but after about ten minutes he starts texting me.  We text back and forth for about an hour....things got very suggestive ended up he came over to my apartment.  We talked for a little bit and of coarse come to find out........he just graduated from AU, getting ready to move to TN, graduated from the same high school as my son and was just a year older.  I ask him what he wants with me, he was a nice looking young man, I'm sure he could get a younger and much sexier young girl than me,.......but he said no I was sexy as hell....... I was a young guy's fantasy, his "Mrs. Robinson".   So ok that's good I'm in for role playing games........off we went for a tumble......here again this is the part where I don't ever learn.......we got things rolling and it lasted all of two minutes, he wasn't big enough to rock my world, no tongue action......basically did nothing for me and made his fantasy come true.  I'm glad I can be a dream maker but I need some of my fantasies to come true.  At this point unless proven othewise I'm swearing of  all men under 30 years old.